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Thousands of Migrants Reach Austria

About 2,700 migrants, desperate to leave Hungary for Western Europe, reached Austria in the early hours of Saturday and more were on their way.

London Jewel Thieves Plead Guilty in Easter Heist

Four men pleaded guilty on Friday to conspiracy for a jewel heist in London’s Hatton Garden diamond district over the Easter weekend.

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Clashes in Tajikistan Leave 17 Dead

An outbreak of violence in Tajikistan left 17 people dead on Friday, raising fears of a return to unrest in a Central Asian nation still scarred by civil war.

Google Pursuing a Return to China

Google is in talks with the Chinese government and handset makers about launching a new Android app store there, a move that would mark the company’s return to China.

Blurry Job Picture Poses Test for Fed

U.S. employment growth slowed in August but the jobless rate fell to the lowest level since 2008, a mixed labor-market reading less than two weeks before a crucial Federal Reserve meeting. 234

Judge Orders Credit Suisse to Pay Highland $287.5M in Suit Over Loan

A judge on Friday said Credit Suisse must pay a unit of Highland Capital Management $287.5 million over a soured real-estate loan, a win for James Dondero’s hedge-fund firm in its multipronged fight against the Swiss bank over luxury developments.

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Putin Pitches for Foreign Investment in Russia’s Far East

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G-20 Increasingly Concerned About Slowing Chinese Economy

China’s market routs and a string of weak data are fueling concern among Group of 20 officials that a slowing Chinese economy could fuel further market instability and push global growth deeper into a long-term rut.

Scandals Upend Guatemala’s Presidential Election

Guatemalans go to polls Sunday to vote for a new president amid a wave of popular anger over politics as usual, days after the resignation of President Otto Pérez Molina amid a corruption scandal.

Public Pension Funds Roll Back Return Targets

The cuts to their lowest levels since the 1980s portend greater hardships for employees and cash-strapped governments as Americans age. 97

Weekend Investor

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Some foreign-stock mutual funds have 30% or 40% of assets in developing nations.

U.K. Regulator Warns Commodity Firms About Market Abuse

The U.K.’s financial regulator said firms that trade commodities have learned little from recent high-profile cases of market abuse and are failing to adequately monitor the risks of such abuse.

Heard on the Street

This Plastics IPO Is Timed Right – For the Seller

Bayer’s material science division, now called Covestro, had a strong first-half ahead of a planned initial public offering. That looks hard to keep up.

Brussels Beat

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The European Union’s antitrust activism has put it in prime position to shape the Internet and is encouraging some U.S. technology executives to focus on Brussels.

Daimler, Renault Reboot Tiny Car

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Real-time commentary and analysis from The Wall Street Journal
Die Seite Drei
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Und Gott schuf einen Banker

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In den USA hat der Autobauer Chrysler einen PR-Coup gelandet. In einem Werbespot zu bester Sendezeit während des Football-Spektakels Superbowl pries der Konzern die Bauern Amerikas als Schöpfung Gottes. Unser Kolumnist dachte sich: Im nächsten Jahr könnte man das Prinzip ja auf die Banker anwenden. Hier ist sein Vorschlag:

Und am achten Tag schaute Gott herab auf sein geplantes Paradies und sagte: “Ich brauche jemanden, der das alles für schnelles Geld kaputt machen kann.”

Und Gott schuf einen Banker.

Gott sagte, “Ich brauche jemanden, der nichts anbaut oder schafft, aber der sich Geld für Null Prozent von der Allgemeinheit leiht und es dann für die Allgemeinheit für zwei, fünf oder zehn Prozent weiterverleiht und sich dafür einen Bonus zahlt.”

Und Gott schuf einen Banker.

Gott sagte, “Ich brauche jemanden, der das Geld von den Leuten nimmt, die arbeiten und sparen, und mit dem Geld eine Internet-Blase schafft, und eine Immobilienblase, und eine Aktienblase, und eine Ölblase und eine Rohstoffblase und eine Anleiheblase und noch eine Aktienblase, und das dann an die Leute in Poughkeepsie, Spokane und Buxtehude verkauft, und sich dafür einen weiteren Bonus zahlt.”

Und Gott schuf einen Banker.

Gott sagte, “Ich brauche jemanden, der im Sumpf oder in der Wüste Häuser mit lausigem Material und dem Geld anderer Leute baut, und dann diese Häuser als Sicherheiten für ein Schneeballsystem nutzt, das er an Rentner in Kalifornien, Deutschland und Japan verkaufen kann. Ich brauche jemanden, der dann diese Häuser zwangsversteigert, die Bewohner rausschmeißt, die Klimaanlage und das Wasser abschaltet und dann zusieht, wie das Haus wieder in sich zusammenfällt. Und sich dann dafür einen weiteren Bonus zahlt.”

Gott sagte, “Ich brauche jemanden, der Geld an Leute mit schlechter Bonität für 30 Prozent Zinsen verleiht, um seinen Aktienkurs nach oben zu kriegen, und dann, kurz bevor der Kredit platzt, seine Aktien verkauft und abhaut. Und der, wenn er später gefragt wird, mit Tränen in den Augen sagt, dass die Regierung ihn dazu genötigt habe.”

Gott sagte, “Und ich brauche jemanden, der zu jedem sagt, er solle auf eigenen Beinen stehen, aber dann zum Staat rennt, damit der ihn rettet, sobald er in Schwierigkeiten kommt – und der dann das Rettungsgeld dafür nutzt, dass ein Kongress gewählt wird, der lieber wegschaut. Und sich dann dafür einen weiteren Bonus zahlt.”

Und Gott schuf einen Banker.

Kommentar abgeben

Wir begrüßen gut durchdachte Kommentare von Lesern. Bitte beachten Sie unsere Richtlinien.

Kommentare (3 aus 3)

Alle Kommentare »
    • Nun ja, ich seh das bissel anders als es Anonymous schreibt, den der Kommentator hat doch den Nagel auf den Kopf getroffen, und alles was er sagt ist wahr !! Leider !! Man sollte doch mal drüber nachdenken, werd den die Finanzkriese verschuldet hat. Waren das die kleinen Sparer ? Meine ganz persönliche Meinung über Banker kann ich hier leider nicht wieder geben, dieser Kommentar würde sonst wohl gestrichen werden.

    • Ich fand es sehr passend. Aber wie kommt sowas in die Höhle des Löwen? :) Bewegen wir uns endlich?

    • Populistischer geht es wohl kaum. Schlimmer als die Bild!

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The Wall Street Journal & Breaking News, Business, Financial and Economic News, World News and Video
Search

Thousands of Migrants Reach Austria

About 2,700 migrants, desperate to leave Hungary for Western Europe, reached Austria in the early hours of Saturday and more were on their way.

London Jewel Thieves Plead Guilty in Easter Heist

Four men pleaded guilty on Friday to conspiracy for a jewel heist in London’s Hatton Garden diamond district over the Easter weekend.

U.S. Veterans Who Fight ISIS

A former Army Ranger and a decorated Marine are among U.S. veterans volunteering to join Kurdish fighters against Islamic State in Syria. 66

Clashes in Tajikistan Leave 17 Dead

An outbreak of violence in Tajikistan left 17 people dead on Friday, raising fears of a return to unrest in a Central Asian nation still scarred by civil war.

Google Pursuing a Return to China

Google is in talks with the Chinese government and handset makers about launching a new Android app store there, a move that would mark the company’s return to China.

Blurry Job Picture Poses Test for Fed

U.S. employment growth slowed in August but the jobless rate fell to the lowest level since 2008, a mixed labor-market reading less than two weeks before a crucial Federal Reserve meeting. 234

Judge Orders Credit Suisse to Pay Highland $287.5M in Suit Over Loan

A judge on Friday said Credit Suisse must pay a unit of Highland Capital Management $287.5 million over a soured real-estate loan, a win for James Dondero’s hedge-fund firm in its multipronged fight against the Swiss bank over luxury developments.

From Piles of Trash Sprout Demands for Change in Lebanon

Protests demanding political reform bridge country’s longtime political, religious and ethnic divides.

Putin Pitches for Foreign Investment in Russia’s Far East

Russian President Vladimir Putin has made a pitch for greater investment in his country’s resource-rich Far East region, despite a slowdown in the Chinese economy that has shaken global markets.

G-20 Increasingly Concerned About Slowing Chinese Economy

China’s market routs and a string of weak data are fueling concern among Group of 20 officials that a slowing Chinese economy could fuel further market instability and push global growth deeper into a long-term rut.

Scandals Upend Guatemala’s Presidential Election

Guatemalans go to polls Sunday to vote for a new president amid a wave of popular anger over politics as usual, days after the resignation of President Otto Pérez Molina amid a corruption scandal.

Public Pension Funds Roll Back Return Targets

The cuts to their lowest levels since the 1980s portend greater hardships for employees and cash-strapped governments as Americans age. 98

Weekend Investor

No Emerging Markets in Your Portfolio? Look Again

Some foreign-stock mutual funds have 30% or 40% of assets in developing nations.

U.K. Regulator Warns Commodity Firms About Market Abuse

The U.K.’s financial regulator said firms that trade commodities have learned little from recent high-profile cases of market abuse and are failing to adequately monitor the risks of such abuse.

Heard on the Street

This Plastics IPO Is Timed Right – For the Seller

Bayer’s material science division, now called Covestro, had a strong first-half ahead of a planned initial public offering. That looks hard to keep up.

Brussels Beat

EU Displaces U.S. as Top Antitrust Cop

The European Union’s antitrust activism has put it in prime position to shape the Internet and is encouraging some U.S. technology executives to focus on Brussels.

Daimler, Renault Reboot Tiny Car

Daimler is taking another crack at the U.S. market for ultra-compacts with a retooled version of its ForTwo Smart car built through a collaboration that could become a benchmark for other auto makers. 70

Volkswagen CFO Nominated as Board Chairman

The largest shareholder of Europe’s biggest auto maker nominated the company’s CFO to become the next chairman of VW’s supervisory board.

BASF, Gazprom Renew Abandoned Asset-Swap Plan

Germany’s BASF and Russia’s Gazprom will complete an asset-swap deal signed in 2013 but called off last year amid tension between Russia and the West.

GVC Wins Race to Acquire Bwin.party

Sports-betting and online-gambling operator GVC Holdings PLC said it had clinched a deal to buy Bwin.party Digital Entertainment PLC after beating an offer from online-gambling peer 888 Holdings PLC.

Fashion

How Fashion Experts Shop the High Street

Despite the crowds, the lines and the overpacked rails, there are real gems to be found in mainstream stores—you just need to know how to find them.